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She didn’t like it when he canceled plans to meet her at the last minute, but she understood that she shouldn’t be attached to something, just because it was on her calendar. The time he spent with Carina reduced almost overnight from three sessions per week to one, or even one every other week.
When Carina told James how painful she found this, he pointed out that she was too attached to him, and to their time together, and that she needed to cultivate a more spiritual, detached attitude.
And, because there is a small element of truth in the spiritual asshole’s argument (if we were, in fact, completely detached, their behaviour wouldn’t actually upset us, after all), we focus on ourselves and our own weaknesses, rather than asserting our boundaries and our right to equal consideration in the relationship.She broke down in James’ arms one night and poured out the story of the things which had devastated her just in the past week. “You used to be such a spiritual warrior, but these days you are such a drama queen. Unfortunately, the ego can pick up on the spiritual terminology (without grasping the underlying concepts), and use spiritual language for egoic purposes.You are lowering the vibration of our relationship with all this over-reaction and attachment. In James’ case, the spiritual language allowed him to control the relationship, stay in his comfort zone, and to avoid looking at his own contribution to Carina’s stress and unhappiness.Most spiritual assholes don’t realize they are assholes. Most spiritual assholes are simply coping with their own childhood wounds in ways that make perfect sense to them, and they think that the world would be a better place if everyone else used the same coping strategies that they use.The world is full of spiritual assholes, but it is also full of brave, generous, spiritual warriors, who will stand in the fire with you and not look back.
She redoubled her efforts to trust him and to follow his spiritual guidance.